You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
