I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
