i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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