I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
