the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just pynch a tree in the face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
