just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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