Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
