in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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