this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
