he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
