Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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