I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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