My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
