Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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