She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
