They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
