my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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