no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
