K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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