dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
