i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
