We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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