I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
