I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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