im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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