I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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