That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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