There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
