I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
