you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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