Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
