3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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