ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
