I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
