I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
