I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
