If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
