her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
