You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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