I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to make out with him forever
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
