i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
