I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
