would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
