i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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