is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
