I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
