that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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