He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
