The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
