At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
