I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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