i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
