More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
